On being a Twitizen in the Twitterverse

Hello Tweeps

I'm spoiling you really by posting another blog so soon but it is a very special one because it's not a blog by me. It is a blog by one of my Top Twiends - the fantasticness that is Dame @WinceyWillis1 (yes the real one of TV-AM & Treasure Hunt fame)so please read and enjoy her blog and give her a follow on Twitter because she is lots of fun

@Gazabell :-)



Twitter is all human and not so human life. I make no bones about the fact that I love it. Never having been involved with any other social network site I was apprehensive. You may already know that I started tweeting because someone else was using my name.

I remember looking at profiles and seeing @Gazabell had over 1000 followers and being astounded. I knew that Stephen Fry seemed to have the whole world following him.

Initially there was a lot of scepticism; most people didn’t believe I was me. As there are so many tweeps hiding behind eggs etc I hoped that seeing my photo would be enough.

How things have changed. You bring out the best in me and I love you for it. I never wanted to be someone who plugs stuff all the time but I wasn’t sure what to tweet. I followed people who made me laugh or think or intrigued me. I love the immediacy of twitter. We do ‘talk’, getting an instant response is great but sometimes overwhelming. As you began to believe in me I felt so good.
I laugh out loud and every day there are so many brilliant wordsmiths who test my brain power and typing speed. There are the utterly crazy random tweets.....”I won’t eat a dead woman’s bananas” , “I get aroused when I play scrabble”. Let’s face it there is a lot about arousal on twitter!!

A young man tweeted me to say he had just ‘you tubed’ me and I was to get into his bed immediately. I was followed by Battery Operated Boyfriend and even offered quite a lot of money to ‘perform’ on a web cam!!! I was crying with laughter. I am no spring chicken so in a way I suppose it is quite flattering. (No names to protect guilty)

The opportunities to help people have been rewarding and my friendship with @harry_moseley the inspirational 11year old boy with a brain tumour has made me appreciate more than ever how lucky I am. I went to London for Harry’s charity launch and met up with @MrG48 and @MrLTK , both gentlemen who were a pleasure to spend time with.

More recently I have had my first Tweet Up at home. Two tweeps who I have been bantering with since the beginning came to stay at my home. My friends thought I was barking, having 2 men I had never met staying. It was fantastic, and my twitterwide reputation as a Merlot maid was upheld. I knew that even though we had only met through 140 characters we were such like minds and after speaking on the ‘phone I had no hesitation over inviting @WilliamStafford and @Quimph .

I have had an amazing life, doing so many wonderful things. I have travelled all over the world and encountered the most amazing people. When I started in the media mobiles hadn’t been invented and we did weight training to carry a programmes worth of records into the radio studio. I am thankful for every new day and the opportunity to make the most of it.

I could never have imagined something like twitter (be a squillionaire if I had). It has become a part of my life and I am so glad. Thank you for all your kindness, fun, love and so much laughter.

Now dear editor Gaza when are you coming for a Tweet Up??
My name is Wincey Willis and I am an addict..............

Wincey Willis May 2011

Taking Matters In Hand...

History is replete with the good fighting the evil. The Allies fought The Nazis, Scooby-Doo fought creepy old fairground based perverts & thieves, and Azerbaijan pop group Eldar & Nigar defeated the anaemic spawn of the devil himself Twit & Twat (aka Jedward). But sometimes the good aren't available and it is left to The Cheeky to step up to the plate to do their best. This week The Cheeky did just that.

You see some old American dude decided that it was the end of days - The Rapture - where the good float up to the sky and the rest are left below until the end of the world. I don't know about you lot but I think it's a bit soon for The Rapture - I mean we've only had one series of Mrs Brown's Boys, we don't know if Scotland will ever get past the first round of a World Cup, and we are still waiting for another summer like the one we had when we were kids - there is so much still left to do!

Therefore I decided to take it upon myself to stop The Rapture - hey if one old man could start it then surely a young(ish) man like me could stop it. The main problem was that he lived on a different continent to me, and I only know his name, not his address or anything, and what could I do? I could hardly go around punching old people - If I could do that Tesco would be deserted at lunch times!

I had to think of another plan of action. Something that I knew I was good at, that other people could get involved in, that I could do better than any old man......it hit me in a flash...something I am brilliant at and have had lots of practice in....the answer my friends was WANKING! Good old fashioned masturbation could save the day! And I was an expert at that lovely act of self-gratification - even other people recognise that as I often hear them saying "oh no here's that wanker again" when I walk towards them.

I weighed up the odds of it - it was a risk I know - if enough people got involved a mass orgasm could actually cause the earthquakes that old Harry do-dah was predicting, meaning that one of my main pleasures in life would be the instrument of our doom! It was a chance worth taking, I mean at least if I failed I would be going out with a smile on my face. And if I did it long enough I would end up welded to the bedsheets so although I couldn't rise to Heaven I also couldn't fall to hell. I'd be permanently stuck to my bed for all eternity - something I actually crave on a Monday morning!

I decided that it was our best bet of success and so I turned to my lovely, sexy, brilliant Twitter followers and told them the plan to #BeatTheRaptureByWanking - Beating by Beating if you like! Do you know what? They jumped at the chance to join in! Another person would say that they just needed any excuse for a wank but not me. I knew they were brave soldiers ready to fight the forces of Rapture with every beat of their.....heart!

And so we started! I got my usual supply of "inSPURTational" material - my @WinceyWillis1 calender 1985, my picture of @MuppetFitz on a bed of roses, and the sex tape of Wagner and Mary Byrne - and teeth gritted I got to work. Hour after hour went by as I cavorted with Madame Palm and her 5 lovely daughters, literally willing away The Rapture with every gird of my loins (I just wanted to use that phrase! lol). The morning passed into afternoon while I slowly started to look like a trapped Chilean miner, eyes almost clenched shut. My face a bright red beachball of heavy breathing and the occasional groan. I could feel the power of the Wank driving that rapture away as more and more Tweeps got involved.

That simple gift of Onanism actually stopped The Rapture. I realised later on, with my Popeye sized arm in a bowl of ice, that the phrase "Wanking is good" had never been more apt - in this case a little bit of hand relief had kept the world spinning for at least another year. If I could have I would have patted myself on the back. Instead I decided to celebrate by letting "old lefty" have a turn for a change - a celebratory wank for a job well done.

And if The Rapture threatens again you will find me, and probably other Tweeps, are willing to once again #BeatTheRaptureByWanking.

I wonder if it's The Rapture again tonight.....