Rude Rhymes

I was doing a bit of a clean up job of my PC and came across some old blogs. I thought this was worth a bit of a repost. It's old school nursery rhymes with a rude twist:-

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Mary had a little skirt
'Twas split right up the sides
And every where that Mary walked
The boys could see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
'Twas split way up the front
And every where that Mary went
The boys could see her…
…but she didn't wear that one very often!

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Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Her skirt all battered and torn
It wasn't the spider who sat down beside her
It was Little Boy Blue with his horn!

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Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead!"

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Said, "F**k him, he's only an egg!"

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Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon!

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Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too, because he's gay!

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Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have some hanky panky
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Frankie!