1. I enjoy singing songs in my car in regional accents - Cockney "Killer Queen" is my best, though I do a mean Yorkshire "Oh What A Night"
2. I am an Associated Board Of Music qualified Cellist - though haven't touched a Cello for about 15yrs!
3. The smell of Beetroot makes me retch
4. I have climbed Snowden
5. I once played Prince Charming in a school play
6. I have sang on Radio 4 - yep the boring churchy one
7. The most famous person I ever met is Warrior from Gladiators (well until I met Al Murray that is!)
8. I have a phobia of wasps - and have been known to dive off Bouncy Castles at a speed of 75mph when a wasp flew near me
9. I once dressed as a Meff for Comic Relief and sang a cover version of the Beatles song Help! with 3 mates
5. I am numerically dyslexic
11. I have only ever owned Fiesta's
12. I am one of the few children of my generation to have actually owned the elusive Mr Frosty - that every child wanted, but few ever got.
13. My first home was a pub
14. I won the Lower School Quiz in 1993, and with my book token bought a Spanish Dictionary
15. The first time I flew on a plane was an 8hr flight to Orlando - where I was stranded for New Year!
16. Dawn French once nearly picked my postcard out of a prize dip on Going Live!
17. I tend to find people who say "I'm mad me" to be tit heads
18. I was once attacked with a traffic cone
19. My dream holiday would be to Australia - though a close 2nd would be New York
20. My Grandad was a Professional Boxer in the 1920s/30s, but had to retire because he was deaf and knocked out his opponent after the bell went.
21. It took me 3 times to pass my Driving Test
22. I once made a Viking Costume out of a pair of furry curtains
23. I can tell the difference between Pepsi & Coke - Pepsi is better
24. I used to think Natalie Imbruglia was the sexiest woman in the world, espcially during her Neightbours days
25. I'm a firm believer in the "laughter is the best medicine" school of thought - unless you have Diabetes, in which case Insulin is the best medicine.
Sunday 9 January 2011
Wednesday 5 January 2011
How's About That Zen
Another old post. Not my work but still worth a little look through:-
1. Save The Whales. Collect the Whole Set.
2. A Day Without Sunshine is Like, Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers..
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory.
5. 82.7% Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some People Have.
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade!
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psychokinesis? Raise My Hand.
23 . OK,.... So What's The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible Ink?
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work May Pay Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder.
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened.
37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off
1. Save The Whales. Collect the Whole Set.
2. A Day Without Sunshine is Like, Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers..
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory.
5. 82.7% Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some People Have.
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade!
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psychokinesis? Raise My Hand.
23 . OK,.... So What's The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible Ink?
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work May Pay Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder.
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened.
37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off
Rude Rhymes
I was doing a bit of a clean up job of my PC and came across some old blogs. I thought this was worth a bit of a repost. It's old school nursery rhymes with a rude twist:-
______________________
Mary had a little skirt
'Twas split right up the sides
And every where that Mary walked
The boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt
'Twas split way up the front
And every where that Mary went
The boys could see her…
…but she didn't wear that one very often!
___________________
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Her skirt all battered and torn
It wasn't the spider who sat down beside her
It was Little Boy Blue with his horn!
_______________________
Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead!"
______________________
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Said, "F**k him, he's only an egg!"
_________________________
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon!
______________________
Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too, because he's gay!
__________________________
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have some hanky panky
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Frankie!
'Twas split right up the sides
And every where that Mary walked
The boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt
'Twas split way up the front
And every where that Mary went
The boys could see her…
…but she didn't wear that one very often!
___________________
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Her skirt all battered and torn
It wasn't the spider who sat down beside her
It was Little Boy Blue with his horn!
_______________________
Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead!"
______________________
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Said, "F**k him, he's only an egg!"
_________________________
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon!
______________________
Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too, because he's gay!
__________________________
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have some hanky panky
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Frankie!
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