Thursday, 22 July 2010

Punnilingus (Part 2)

Couldn't fit all of this week's puns on one page, so here is part 2. Hope you enjoy them :-)

• No-one seems ever seems to have any idea about want to do with these dogs, so once again I have to take the lead.

• Got a great new hobby cataloguing tree debris. You would love it. Why don't you take a leaf out of my book?

• "What would you do if a bird shat on your car?" "Dump her!"
[A Chubby Brown one I think]

• Look at that man with with a head like an angry cloud. Oooo he's got a face like thunder!

• Just read that they are going to try revive coma patients with cappuccino. Come off it! Wake up & smell the coffee!

• iPhone has invented something for when you are really tired. There's a nap for that.

• I'm not talking to that women with a windscreen for a face. That'll wiper eye.

• Got my nocturnal shift laying ceramics coming up later. Looks like another night on the tiles for me.

• Steve Davis is looking for an amateur to play snooker against. I've applied & I think I'm in the frame!

• I keep getting a hard-on every time I sneeze. Don't worry I'm taking something for it. Pepper. [This is somebody else’s, but I can’t remember who]

• The noise out of that Tennis supplies factory! They're not half making a racquet!

• Did you know that you can now buy body parts of dead Hollywood celebrities? I've got Bette Davis eyes.

• I don't like this Art exhibition about facial hair. It's all a bit eyebrow for me.

• That woman off GMTV has been sticking her finger in my eye all morning. She's left now and I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone.

• I'm aching all over after plowing that field for the wheat crop. Still it's true what they say. No pain - no grain.

• All those doubters. They said I'd never get that picture to stay up, but I nailed it!

• This wonky door looks like it could fall over any minute. It all hinges on what happens next.

• BUY THE NEW 18-SOCKET EXTENSION LEAD ONLY £19.99 BUY OUR NEW 15-TROUGH SINKS ONLY £89.99 Sorry about all of the plugs

• If they think they can break into this time piece shop while I'm on guard they've got another thing coming. Not on my watch.

• I'd love to be in a really gritty vampire film or play. You know something you can really get your teeth into.

• I shouldn't have brought up those missing shoes. I feel like I've put my foot in it now.

• I've never been a fan of denim & my dad & grandad are both the same. Must be something in the jeans.

• What about these people who put bin liners over there heads for thrills? I'm sorry but that's just not my bag.

• I'm having sone A-Team crisps now. Either Salt & Vinegar or Cheese & Onion. One thing is for certain I ain't getting on no Plain

• Was going to make one of those A-Team soups, but they look a bit watery. I feel a bit sorry for them. In fact you could say I pity the gruel

• I've just made one of those A-Team quiches from scratch. I love it when a flan comes together.

• I urgently need to find a picture of Peter Pan's enemy & a burglar. By Hook or by crook I'll get them.

Part 1 is
HERE in case you missed it

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