Sunday, 8 August 2010

Punnilungus (Part 3)

Yet more punnage for your enjoyment:-

• I wanted to know more about spiders so I looked them up on the web.

• I've just seen somebody cripple a dromedary with a little plastic tube. I'm sorry but that's the straw that broke the camels back!

• NIPPLES! Sorry that was just something I had to get off my chest.

• I have a talent for naming things you can wear around your wrists. Quite often I can do it off the cuff.

• I've made the biggest Ice Cream in the World. It's going to be really hard to beat. It's gonna take some lickin'

• I'm going to win Security Product of the Year. It's a lock.

• If your an alibi for a Jehovah's Witness does that make you a Jehovah's Witness Witness?

• I love the mathematical symbol "less than 3"

• I've invented the one rung ladder. That will be my first step to greatness.

• I've just made some priests vestments out of a dishrag. I truly am a man of the cloth.

• They say Doctor Who has a very firm bladder. That's why he's been known to pert wee

• I've been throwing my watch up in the air for hours. My doesn't time fly.

• Just seen that Matt Smith. Who does he think he is? His predecessor was my landlord. Yes I was David's tenant.

• I really enjoy getting dressed up as a nun, but It's a really bad habit.

• I'm going to tell you a really long joke about a Grizzly now, but bear with me.

• I'm been put forward for an Engraver of the Year Award. I think I've got a good chance. It's not written in stone though.

• I've been sacked from my job in the photograph developers, but I'm not going to get all negative about it.

• Came home drunk late last night & fell asleep in the kennel. Looks like that's me in dog house again!

• I think I'm allergic to this job making caskets. I just can't stop coffin.

• If women have bras, shouldn't men have some kind of underwear top to wear. I have a vested interest in this subject.

• What about this kitten they have parachuted into Trafalgar Square. That will certainly put the cat amongst the pigeons.

• My Ford Fiesta is flooded! Looks like I'll have to car pool this week.

• I wanted to build something I could keep all my books on, but I've had to shelve the idea for now.

• That joke I just told the cloakroom attendant didn't go down to well. I'll get my coat...

• I'm super speedy when it comes to taking pictures. Quick as a flash you might say.

• If I caught any friends of mine on Heroin I'd give them a smack!

• I'm playing hide & seek and hiding in a bin. The only thing is I'm so excited I can barely contain myself.

• What is the Hulk's favourite potato substitute? SMASH

• The bottom of all the walls in this house have got cracks in them. I could cover them up, but that would be just skirting around the issue.

• The local Santa impersonator is absolutely rubbish. If I was his boss I'd be giving him the sack.

• Wind energy turbines - part of me wishes I was one but I'd be rubbish. Another part of me hates them. I suppose I'm not the biggest fan.

• They decorated the office, but have to wait a few days to finish it & asked me to keep an eye on it. It's so boring. Like watching paint dry

• I can't stand those people who treat me like a block of cheese. It really grates on me.

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