Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Tales Of An Habitual Twitter Criminal

8pm - So right - it's happened again. I've been sent down for crimes against Twitter. My crime? Exceeding the hourly tweet rate - erm, am I wrong is Twitter not all about tweeting people? I thought that was what it was invented for? Still I must serve my hour's punishment I suppose.

Well it doesn't matter because I'm an old hand when it comes to Twitterjail now! This prison can't hold me long, but I'm not gonna break out this time. I'll show you around the joint. You can be Godber to my Fletch. Things should be good this time I've managed to secreet a stash of Twittersnout in a secret place and should get through as long as I don't get that screw with the very long fingers - I swear he touched my tonsils with them last time, and he didn't put them in my mouth!

8:05pm - I've had my strip search now and managed to sneak my Twittersnout in - that should be enough for me to have an easy time in here - just gotta get well in with the Grouty of Twitterjail @jakecanuso and I should be okay!

8:10pm - Oh shit - that old scrote 'Orrible Twitter Ives is here again. If you take my advice you will stay away from him. He's nothing but trouble the shifty bastard!

8:12pm - I've just heard that @missswearsalot has been taken into the women's wing! She is causing a right commotion. It seems that some Twitterlesbians tried it on with her and she was having no shit from them. She's a good person to have on your side in Twitterjail. Can get anything into the prison. God knows how she does it!

8:15pm - oh look who they have brought in - its @lukethornhill - what's the bets old Butterfingers will head straight for the Twittershowers. He just can't help himself

8:18pm - what do you think of the cell? It's all so familiar - they only let me bring 2 posters in this time, so I've opted for my @nicola__thomas one and my @elphabob one - they should improve the view in here, and I've got my book of @williamstafford funnies so that's a good read to pass the time.

8:25pm - Bit of commotion -I've heard a rumour that a few of the Twitterlags are thinking of holding the Failwhale hostage when he comes in to see the Twitterjail Governor @Stephenfry! That could cause trouble for the lot of us - don't get involved.

8:34pm - Finally managed to get my phone call - gonna use it to call @Lightbringer87 - he's a popular guy and can get the message out to the #freethegazabellone crew!

8:38pm - Just received a DM telling me that the #freethegazabellone crew have mobilised. @Lesterbuddy @ jasperbunny @_chris23 and @TMCphotographs have petitioned the governor to give me a reprieve it might work. Meanwhile @ MistiCBR has dug out some #freethegazabellone t-shirts to giveout.

8:42pm - There's that @lukethornhill on the way back from the showers with a smile on his face. He love's it!

8:48pm - Disaster, so close to my release time and @5_15 is trying to break into Twitterjail to free me. Hold on my Scottish friend I will be out soon! patience is the name of the game!

8:51pm - I received a cake from @Boddingtons - it's got a file in it. I'm not doing her admin for her while I'm here, she can do it herself!

8:58pm - They are getting ready to ship me out - apparently @AaaronOnYourFace is getting my cell next - he's another serial offender! Just in time too, because @paulinecjones is supposed to be coming in to talk to us about our prospects!

8:59pm - They are giving me my things back because I'm due to be released. It's nice to get the red stripeys back. I missed them.

9pm - Freeeeeeeedom! Ahhhh and look who is here to meet me - It's @xClairetweets_ - it must be our #hotelinspector date night.

Well tweeps now you have had a look at life on the inside of Twitterjail I hope it encourages you to never end up here! On the other hand if you are like me I'll see here again in an hour.

Just remember that when I disappear if you tweet #freethegazabellone I get released quicker (not true in the slightest but you never know!)

Until we meet again! xx

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